The Dueling Losers Band Songbook

Lyrics by Greg Arnold

Performed at the 2001 Flushies, April 1, 2001

Come on, Eugene, get the facts straight 
The winner last week wasn't really that great 
There's only one rule and there is no debate 
Even when her jokes stink . . . Jennifer Hart gets ink.  

Come on, Eugene, we're on to your plan 
You cut her some slack 'cause she's your biggest fan 
I'll rationalize it anyway that I can 
What else can I think . . .  when . . .  Jennifer Hart gets ink.  

She's got an attic full of bumper stickers, loser pens, and fabulous prizes 
But does she really need that stuff? - I think by now she's got enough. 
She's got boxes stuffed with loser T-shirts in assorted colors and sizes, 
But if she cared for me . . . She'd give me two or three. 
oh, oh, oh, oh  

Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet 
Since I got fired more entries you'll get 
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet 
My paycheck continues to shrink . . still. .Jennifer Hart gets ink.  
 
I email my entries to the Washington Post by the deadline 
I follow all of your stupid rules - I even use Roman Numerals 
But whose name is missing every week on F2 you can bet mine 
I never seem to appear, hell . . . I never even got an ear. 
oh, oh, oh, oh  

Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet 
Since I got fired more entries you'll get 
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet 
My paycheck continues to shrink . . still. .Jennifer Hart gets ink. 
[repeat numerous times]  

Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet 
Since I got fired more entries you'll get 
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet 
It's driving me to drink - 
I'm teetering on the brink - 
My fortunes continue to sink - 
Bob Levey is such a dink - 
John Kammer's the missing link - 
Jerry Falwell hates Tinky-Wink - 
My fingers are getting a kink . . . still. . . 
Jennifer Hart gets ink. 
[repeat numerous times]  

INSTRUMENTAL KAZOO-LADEN JAM AND FADE OUT/END/WHATEVER